After our discussion of your first draft on Friday and now listening to your first draft, I noticed that you clarified several phrases/expressions which were unclear/awkward. Good job :) As I don't want to repeat what you and I already discussed on Friday, all I'll mention is that you need to structure your research paper as a comparison/contrast of the past and the present stereotypes of Black men and their masculinity. Also, in your thesis you need to emphasize the connection between Black masculinity and stereotypes regarding their bodies. Lastly, to maintain the past/present comparison/contrast, you need to include present examples of Black men in sports, as the source you are using in the last body paragraph focuses on the 19th century.
To me it seemed like the second part of your paper stuck out a bit more than the first, the part about the Latino man I don't know really know why and also at the beginning you sounded a bit repetitive other than that It was a good job I did get a bit of the connection you were trying to make but the clarity was not so good.
After our discussion of your first draft on Friday and now listening to your first draft, I noticed that you clarified several phrases/expressions which were unclear/awkward. Good job :) As I don't want to repeat what you and I already discussed on Friday, all I'll mention is that you need to structure your research paper as a comparison/contrast of the past and the present stereotypes of Black men and their masculinity. Also, in your thesis you need to emphasize the connection between Black masculinity and stereotypes regarding their bodies. Lastly, to maintain the past/present comparison/contrast, you need to include present examples of Black men in sports, as the source you are using in the last body paragraph focuses on the 19th century.
ReplyDeleteHello Bushra
ReplyDeleteTo me it seemed like the second part of your paper stuck out a bit more than the first, the part about the Latino man I don't know really know why and also at the beginning you sounded a bit repetitive other than that It was a good job I did get a bit of the connection you were trying to make but the clarity was not so good.